Career Spotlight: I'm a Private Chef for HNWIs.

Private cheffing is one of those career paths that runs parallel to restaurant kitchens: still cooking, but in a completely different world. That lends it an air of rarified mystery. So what's it like? The money can be excellent, the produce is extraordinary, and the cooking is personal in a way restaurants can't replicate. Plenty of restaurant chefs dream about making the switch, escaping the hustle, the heat, the hierarchy, but many positions come with their own trade-offs that aren't obvious from the outside: the on-call lifestyle, the isolation of living in someone else's home, and the strange power dynamics of domestic service at the top end of the wealth spectrum.

This Career Spotlight is a first for us: our contributor can't be named. She works as a live-in private chef for high-net-worth individuals and is bound by an NDA which asks her not to publicly disclose who employs her. So we've kept her anonymous, and she's been refreshingly candid in return.

How did you get into your current role?

I trained at Leith's, which used to have a bit of a reputation for funnelling people into 'Chalet Girl' type roles, but I really wanted to end up in restaurants. I did about two years across a handful of London kitchens but I found that I actually hated it. I know lots of people thrive in that environment, but I was miserable. I don't regret it though, as it gave me incredible discipline, and I made sure that every job I got exposed me to a different culinary culture or style, which gave me such a good grounding.

I started helping a friend with private catering, mainly dinner parties in large private homes and sometimes banks/hedge funds etc, and the cooking was still demanding but it felt loads calmer to me, and I liked the smaller scale. I built up my own clients over about eighteen months. Then someone at a private equity firm I catered a lunch for asked whether I did cooking for families, and asked me whether I could do six weeks holiday cover for their own private chef. That turned out to be my first placement, nearly ten years ago.

After that I joined a high-end domestic staff agency, and I've had three long-term positions since then. I also did about four months as a yacht chef between my second and third placements, to see whether that was for me. It is a completely different skill set — tiny galley kitchen, feeding crew as well as the principals, everything revolving around logistics and storage. It was an... interesting experience. Once was enough.

What's been the hardest thing about your career journey so far, and how did you get through it?

The loss of your own life is really hard, and it's something that you definitely can't do forever. My current role is live-in, and when you're live-in and on call the boundaries between work and not-work just blur completely. My current family are lovely in many ways but "lovely" doesn't stop them texting at ten o'clock at night to say they've decided to have sixteen for lunch tomorrow.

I had a previous client who hired me Thursday to Sunday, seven till four. I'd give them breakfast and sometimes lunch, and also meal prep for their evenings and Monday - Wednesday. I'd also do the odd evening dinner party on top, separately arranged. It was the happiest I've been in this career. I had Monday to Wednesday free. I could see my friends. I could make plans. It paid less than a live-in role but I had an actual life, and I'd definitely want to find something like that again when I'm ready to start my own family.

What's the realistic salary range for a role like yours?

Full-time live-in in London, for a wealthy family, can be £60,000–£90,000. Very demanding roles or ones involving a lot of travel can push above £100,000, and for that you'll be managing a team too. You often get accommodation included, which in London obviously counts for a lot, however bear in mind that you even though you have your own room/flat/cottage, in some positions you can't do the usual things like have people over on a whim. Some people maintain a little flat of their own 'on the outside' too, so that you can have more of a life. I'm trying to save money so I don't, and I always stay at my boyfriend's house, but it's a real trade-off.

A live-out role — the sort of Thursday-to-Sunday arrangement I had — sits more like £35,000–£55,000 depending on the family or individual, but you're working way less. Then yacht cheffing can be surprisingly good because of tips. I once got a tip from a single week's charter that was significantly more than my monthly salary. But you earn every penny of it.

It's important that you get everything in writing — expenses, use of the family's facilities, meals, travel. There can be a LOT of grey areas. There's often a lot of generosity, but there can also be an assumption with mega-wealthy people that you're trying to take advantage, and that assumption can jeopardise your role (whether or not it's true). It's pretty sad, for both parties.

How has your earning potential changed over time?

It's gone up with each placement rather than within them. I personally have found that you don't really get pay rises working for a single family, because their needs don't often change, so nor does your role. It's more that every time you go back to the agency you've got another few years' experience and another good reference, so your rate increases. References are everything in this world, possibly even more important than your actual cooking, if I'm being honest! 

The yacht period was a dip in base pay, but tips bumped it up and there isn't really anything to spend it on. And the Thursday-to-Sunday role was a deliberate step down for quality of life, which I don't regret. 

What's the most unexpected part of your role?

How much of it isn't cooking. You become a household presence whether you want to be or not. You overhear things, you see things, and it's a constant tightrope between being visible and invisible, which is actually a real skill. I've got better and better at it over the years, and I know now that it's also about finding a balance which works for everyone - some people really like being invisible, some people want to be more like one of the family. 

I've cooked breakfast for someone whose spouse doesn't know they didn't sleep at home, and I've done dinner for eighteen where the guest list included both the wife and the mistress and nobody acknowledged it except me, internally! One client had me prepare a completely separate "decoy" meal for their nutritionist's visit. Sometimes you get placements where there's a lot of performance in these people's lives and you are basically backstage crew. I prefer the placements where everything is a bit more emotionally straightforward, but the drama is still pretty eye-opening! 

The other thing nobody tells you is how attached you can get, especially if there are children. You feed them every day, you know what comforts them. It's hard when a placement ends.

What's the best part of the job?

Unlike at a restaurant, where you're constantly under pressure with margins, I have an essentially unlimited ingredient budget. That never stops being a privilege.

Sometimes I travel with the family too, which is great, but you have to remember that you're working and on call so it's not like you can really explore, which is frustrating - also finding ingredients in a place you don't know will never be easy, especially if it's at really short notice.

There's something quite special about cooking for the same people daily and really learning what they love. It's still a great feeling when you put something down and someone's whole face changes. Often you just get that from the kids, but that's still special! That's why we cook, right?

What's the hardest or most draining part?

This is probably mainly for the live-in roles, but it's the on-call element. You're not doing twelve-hour shifts on your feet like in a restaurant but you never fully switch off. There's always the possibility that plans change or guests arrive unexpectedly.

And the loneliness. You're in this beautiful house or place, but it isn't your house, and in fact your own room is likely to be pretty un-luxurious. You have to not care about the us-and-them element of it. The people around you are either your employers or other staff and the dynamics are always slightly odd. You can be friendly with the housekeeper or the nanny but there's a limit to how close those relationships get. I miss being tired after work and going to the pub with people who understand.

What skills matter most in your role, beyond the obvious ones?

Adaptability. You might do a macrobiotic dairy-free breakfast for one person and then a full roast for twelve at lunch. Dietary requirements in this world aren't a side request, they're totally non-negotiable, and they change constantly.

Discretion. If you're someone who finds it hard not to gossip, this is probably not the career for you. I mean that completely seriously.

And reading the room. Knowing when to be present and when to disappear. Nobody teaches you that.

What did you have to learn the hard way?

That being a good cook is maybe only fifty percent of this job. The rest is managing personalities, navigating household politics, and protecting your own boundaries.

I also learned that you need your own solicitor to look at your contract before you sign. The agencies are helpful but they work for the client, not you.

What advice would you give to someone trying to break into this role today?

Get your fundamentals solid. You don't necessarily need Michelin experience but you need to cook confidently and well across a wide range of cuisines and dietary requirements.  

Get some private experience under your belt first, with dinner parties etc, or being a holiday chef for a family like I did, then register with a reputable domestic staffing agency — there are a handful of well-known ones in London and they're the main route in. Depending on the client, be prepared for rigorous vetting!

And go in with your eyes open about the lifestyle. It suits some people brilliantly and others not at all.

What's the best piece of advice that YOU were given?

My friend said to me before my first placement, "It's their home but it's your career. Don't confuse the two." I think about that a lot. 

And a chef I worked with early on said, "Cook the food they want, not the food you want to cook." If you really care about cooking it can be a little soul-destroying if they just want plain steamed chicken and spinach day after day. But you can think about it another way too: If they want steamed chicken, you make the best steamed chicken they've ever had.