Welcome to The Countertalk Problem Page, where our resident coach The Good Life founder Madeleine Geach answers YOUR questions.

This is for those of you in positions of leadership. We all know that managing a team is much more than staff rotas and delegation, requiring a certain degree of soft skills in order to effectively convey communal goals, inspire your team to perform in accordance with your standards, and to keep them satisfied and cared for. Maybe you’ve put a lot of effort into creating a workplace where people can be happy and enjoy their days; you want things to feel warm, friendly, positive, and supportive. And this is just as it should be.

But sometimes standards can slip, and as the team leader bearing the brunt of the responsibility on your shoulders, you’re especially sensitive to those things that just aren’t quite right. And it could start to take a toll on your mood.

Communication is paramount to team dynamics, and is expressed through actions just as much as it is through words. When you start to feel like your team isn’t performing as you’d like them to, it can impact your OWN behaviour and skew those relationships you worked so hard to build. What actions can you take to rectify team performance, for the sake of the business but also for your own wellbeing?

QUESTION:

“I’m the leader of a busy kitchen. I keep finding myself feeling moody and frustrated when people on my team aren’t working to my standards or following my instructions properly – even though I’ve told them what to do clearly. I don’t think I take it out on people, but I do worry that it shows in my general temperament – a bit stress-y – and makes me feel like sh*t at the end of the day.  At times I wonder…am I the only one who cares and gets this? Do you have any advice on how to handle this so I can feel better and the team is working well?”

ANSWER:

I get it. The frustration. Perhaps you are a natural perfectionist who picked things up quickly, you watched and learned from your superiors and didn’t need telling twice. Maybe this is what made you what you are today. My main advice is to not give up on your standards. But you also shouldn’t expect your team to be exactly like you are now or how you were when you were in their position. You may need to adopt an approach different from just telling them how they should be performing, communicating your standards EXTRA clearly by offering supportive action to help your team get to where you want them to be. As for your mood, focusing on positivity and taking count of the things that are working well will help ease your frustrations. This will take some stepping back on your part, a nice dose of self-awareness, and a willingness to bring about change in your own behaviour.

Step 1: Take a step back

Start by taking a step back and put yourself in your team’s shoes. Ask yourself these questions: what is your impact on them as their leader? How do you think they feel working on your team? How confident are they to perform to your standards? What do they want and need from you in return? Think of what would help set them up for success – encouragement or positive reinforcement? Clearer instructions and schedules? More training? Practise thinking objectively about your own role and behaviour and how you may have enabled certain habits or reactions in those around you. This isn’t to place the blame on you, but rather to get you to reflect on the dynamics at play within your team, and to identify any potential feedback you would give yourself as an employee! Once you’ve done this, think about any changes you could make to how you manage the operation to make things go more smoothly for your team.

Step 2: Define your 3 non-negotiables

What can you let go of and what can you not? Demanding perfection in every aspect of performance is counterproductive: you’ll overwhelm your team, causing stress and potentially fostering resentment. Instead, choose the three most important things you want your people to focus on, right now. Is it quality of product? Exceptional customer service? Put in place a cohesive and clear plan for your team to achieve these objectives, and concentrate on these every day for the next month or two. Finally, remember that high standards are motivating! People are enthused by excellence, not mediocrity, and framing your non-negotiable expectations in that light is more likely to inspire your team. Get them to see that reaching quality standards are not only good for the business from a financial standpoint and reputation – and consequently for everyone on the company’s payroll – but that they’re also great for everyone’s sense of pride and self-worth.

Step 3: Communicate, communicate, communicate

Never underestimate the power of communication. Telling people once is rarely enough. You need to overcommunicate on your 3 non-negotiables to really make the message stick. Discuss them during briefings, run training sessions on how you’ll accomplish them, write them on the white board in your kitchen, give feedback on them during shifts, and do a quick daily debrief to review how they went at the end of the day. Use every channel you have to keep coming back to the same message, over and over again.

Step 4: Inject positivity

Injecting positivity will help you and the team. Assume that your team have the best intentions! Have you heard of the magic ratio? Research by The Gottman Institute says that human beings need a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback to be happy and succeed in their relationships. Aim to give your team lots of positive feedback to build confidence and trust. Catch them doing things right and praise them, especially if it’s related to one of your 3 non-negotiables. This will reinforce good behaviour and build strong relationships within the team, setting the stage for you to provide more sensitive feedback on poor performance when you need to. And when you are having those conversations, focus on the act rather than the person, keep it factual rather than emotional, and make sure you’re being specific so the receiver knows exactly what to focus on. It’s helpful to reframe feedback as a necessary, normal part of the achievement process, rather than viewing it as a taboo and difficult topic to approach.

Step 5: End the day well

When our bodies and brains are fried, it can be difficult to see the positives in our situations and we more easily resort to reactive behaviour, like snapping at someone or passive-aggression. Make a point to actively reframe the frustration you feel: every day as you finish work, name 3 things that have gone well and make this the last thing you focus on as you head home, rather than looking at what went wrong. This can help you turn frustration into appreciation, and will likely have a positive impact on your mood. Try this every day for 2 weeks and see if you notice any changes in your mindset and whether it translates over to your behaviour at work.

And finally…

Make sure you find healthy ways to unwind and detach from your work! Whether it’s taking the time to go for a walk in the park, drawing yourself a luxurious bath, or speaking to the people you love, making time for what makes you feel good will take your mind off of what’s causing you grief, and will help sooth feelings of annoyance or resentment. Make letting go a priority the second you leave the workplace, and encourage your team to do the same. 

By Madeleine Geach, of The Good Life coaching and courses for the hospitality industry.