HENNY FOX’S ADDICTION JOURNEY Pt. 2: Tools for Staying Sober
Henny Fox has a hugely impressive career under her belt, with a stellar CV featuring some of London’s biggest names, from Corbin & King to Annabel’s, to her current role as Director of Operations for a large London club.
Henny knows how easy it is to slip into addiction in our industry, and how impossible it can feel to get sober when your workplace revolves around the very things you’re trying to avoid. She also knows first-hand how crucial it is to find a way out – that’s why she wanted to share her story with you.
This is part two of her addiction journey, where Henny takes us through her recovery and provides crucial information and tips for regaining control of your own life, just as she did.
With huge thanks to Henny for her bravery in sharing her experience.
As a leader, one of my main focus points (if not the most important) is the pastoral care and mentorship of my management team. The expectation we set in ensuring that mindfulness and wellbeing is at the forefront of their day-to-day can be as demanding as the delivery of service within the business itself. We are seeing a massive change in workplace culture and management styles. Positive affirmation is key, a massive departure from using fear and punishment to keep staff on their toes. 70 hour weeks are no longer seen as measures of success, and the incentives to motivate teams focus more on maintaining happiness and wellbeing than using alcohol and drugs to cope with the overwhelming stress or to build camaraderie.
In spite of these changes, my story is not uncommon in this industry. In my last article I detailed how I spiralled into addiction. I’ve been fortunate to recognise my problem and seek help and the support of others. This enabled me to drag myself out of the cycle and find more meaningful ways of coping, so in this article I hope to share my recovery story and the tools that continue to help me on a daily basis. Regardless of the extremity of your case, there are some very simple tips which can help those who simply want to cut back their drinking, just as much as those who need to.
MY STORY
In the summer of 2020, I had a lightbulb moment. I was using cocaine in my bathroom, alone, during lockdown, and realised that my life could not carry on in this way. I wasn’t suicidal at this point, just up to my eyeballs in debt, in a relationship I wasn’t happy in (although I wasn’t happy in myself, so how could I be happy with someone else?), and venturing into a life very different from the one that I wanted. I had woken up with another raging hangover and the start of a comedown, a normal occurrence for me. I spent my days forcing a brave face and was lying to myself and my loved ones about how bad it had really become.
In that initial realisation I decided that the problem was just the cocaine and not the alcohol. It was only after I’d done research online about drug recovery programs (which required me to get a referral from my GP) that I realised I couldn’t do one without the other. So I got in touch with my GP, who referred me to a government led Relapse Prevention Program – WCDAS (Wandsworth Council Drug and Alcohol Service). I had a case worker assigned to me, I was set up onto online group therapy groups and advised to go to AA Meetings.
As it was the middle of lockdown, all services were online rather than in person. I buried myself in exercise (already an important part of my life) and felt like the first 6 months of ‘getting sober’ were way easier than I had imagined. Although I stayed sober post-lockdown, this false sense of ‘recovery’ quickly faded once I went back to work. I had been discharged from WCDAS as I hadn’t relapsed and no longer attended AA meetings; and yet, after 18 months of sobriety and dealing with a divorce, a toxic working environment, moving house, and a number of other stressful situations, I relapsed. They say you are not responsible for your first thought, but you are responsible for your second – in this instance, my first thought was ‘I want a Gin and Tonic’. My second thought was to have one.
Within 3 months of trying to control my drinking and insisting that I was okay, I was using cocaine again. I spent 7 months self-destructing through drugs and alcohol. This time, my usage was different – all I wanted was to escape (sometimes forever) and it wasn’t until 10 months later that I realised, once again, that I had a choice to make. I ended up going on holiday to Canada where I believed that I would take a week to ‘detox’, instead of checking into rehab. I drank the whole week, and when I returned I knew there was only one way I was going to get better.
During my first stint in AA, I had made friends with some other female fellows – one of the tips they recommend is to call a fellow when you think of drinking. The power of talking it through with someone who can empathise and understand helps to take control of that second thought. The first thought is to use, the second is to pick up the phone and talk to a fellow – it works. When I returned from Canada, I got in touch with those very same women and confessed that I had relapsed and needed help. They told me to get to a meeting, which I did – and I have been sober ever since.
Tips For Not Drinking Socially
- Choice of Glassware
I always ask for non alcoholic drinks in a wine glass when I am socialising. That placebo effect helps to not feel excluded, and therefore takes the pressure off staying alcohol free. - Say No to FOMO
When it gets too much, leave. Don’t let that FOMO mindset persuade you to do things you don’t want to do. Trust your gut when it’s telling you to go – keeping yourself in an environment that puts your decision at risk is not worth it.
- Get Creative
There is an abundance of 0% drinks now available. The non-alch trend is extremely helpful to those choosing to not drink. I tend to go extreme and ask bartenders to make me cocktails which I used to drink but without the alcohol. Sometimes you get funny looks (so you want an espresso martini without booze? So an iced coffee?) but it’s worth getting creative for. - There’s No Limit
I still do all the things I used to do (clubbing, dancing, music festivals, dinners, dating, etc) and I love it. I enjoy the environment I’m in, I feel every bit of it and wake up the next day remembering all of it without any guilt, hangover or regret. We all know the point when the evening turns to that dark, grimy place where the coke comes out and the conversation becomes erratic and annoying – this is the point I say au revoir and take myself to bed. Keep yourself around people you trust and embrace the power of an Irish exit!
Tools for Staying Sober (for anyone wanting to stop and stay stopped)
Get yourself into AA (and keep going back!)
Get to as many meetings a week you can, get a sponsor, do the steps – throw yourself in as much as you would throw yourself into a bender…)
Progress, not perfection
There’s no such thing as perfection. Drop the expectations and drop the pressure. Your best is enough.
Be honest
With yourself, with your friends, with your family. What is the truth of the matter at hand?
Exercise
Walk, cycle, run, gym, swim – ANYTHING. I am a keen equestrian and this has taken over my life for the better.
Drink plenty of liquids (that aren’t alcohol)
Your love for liquids, probably sugary ones, will increase. Don’t allow yourself to get thirsty and embrace as many soft alternatives as you can.
HALT
Okay, I’m feeling rubbish and notice a change in my mood and my reactions. I stop (HALT) and assess. Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? All 4? Once identified, make the change and reassess.
One Day at A Time
I never say, ‘I will never drink again’ as this adds too much pressure. I make it my goal to stay sober just for today, and keep it simple.
Take vitamins, particularly B complex
Your brain will need to repair and you’ll need something to help you regulate. B Complex helps with my concentration and keeps my moods balanced.
Plan your day
Simple goals mean simple achievements. Anything you can do to keep yourself motivated and feeling accomplished is a win.
Don’t let yourself get frustrated
You can’t afford to get yourself super charged with the need to escape. Breathe, think of what the truth of the matter is and quit taking it personally.
I’ll let you in on a secret – no one cares whether you drink or you don’t. The only person who will be affected is you. The psychological battles that play out in our heads when we succumb to peer pressure can be more detrimental than carrying out the act itself.