Why do I feel so ashamed for being put on furlough? I know I should be grateful that I’m not unemployed altogether and thousands of other people are in the same position, so I feel really guilty for feeling this way. But I can’t help but think that if I was better at my job then maybe my employer wouldn’t have to put me on furlough.  

These are common thoughts and feelings for many who find themselves in the same situation. You are certainly not alone in feeling and thinking that furlough reflects negatively on your ability and that done you have something wrong or haven’t achieved enough. Understandably we can feel a loss of identity, direction and inadequacy when we are not working and not getting the same validation. It’s led many people to feel disconnected and isolated as well as under pressure to ‘do something’ significant whilst off work. But so much of this is created through fear and it could be that you have a natural tendency to self-blame rather than to be able to see and accept when events are totally out of your control. This may factor in to the reason why you think it has to be your fault when it truly isn’t.

I don’t know your situation entirely nor do I have any knowledge of what financial situation this pandemic has left your employer currently in. However, it may be useful to remind yourself that for the majority of employers, furlough is a decision that employers are taking which does not reflect on employees’ skills or achievements. Rather, the reality is that almost the whole industry has come to a halt and it is necessary, logical and the only way for many businesses to protect their assets and premises. Furthermore, furlough protects the jobs within that business and it is in fact because many employers value their employees that they have furloughed them so that they can return at a later date, rather than making them redundant.

I whole heartedly sympathise with your uncomfortableness around this and understand it breeds a lot of fear and insecurity. To advise you not to think about it would be unlikely and foolish, so, I suggest that when you notice that you are going down the rabbit hole of self-depreciation, to sit with the feeling for a moment and allow it to be. Allow time to accept how you are feeling and then compromise your time with doing or thinking about other things that offer some distraction, enjoyment or productivity. Allowing it to consume your days will bring no relief and won’t force this situation along any quicker.

Make a mental note of the rational reasons of why furlough has happened to you and even try going a step further and write them down and stick them where you will likely see them. Set them as a reminder on your phone, stick them on your mirror and fridge, talk with friends who can remind you. These thoughts will probably not magically disappear so a little effort of acknowledgement and reminding yourself of the reality of the situation could go a long way over time.

It is indeed important to be aware and empathise about others in a worse situation as it can help us to get through our own difficulties and build emotional resilience. But it can also commonly create a feeling of shame, guilt and that you somehow don’t deserve to think or feel a certain way. Whatever you feel is totally valid and part of your emotional processing and adjustment to this situation. Talk to others who you can trust not judge you about your thoughts and feelings, you may even find that they can relate. The silence around your guilt and shame is only making you feel worse and it doesn’t have to.